Living in the moment means to be mindful of the present, it means to live neither in the past nor in the future, recognizing that the present moment is both the past and the future. Living in the moment is to be fully present.
Living for the moment is different, because it gives no regard to the future, in the sense that present actions will have no future consequences.
The key is to live in the present moment while still regarding the impact of your current decisions on future present moments. In other words, we can’t live as though there is no tomorrow, because tomorrow will probably arrive and we can’t live only for tomorrow, because it may not arrive.
“I meet these people all the time: binge consumers, intentionally oblivious young people who see amassing a great shoe collection as their purpose in life. As our whole society is fundamentally challenged — war, terrorism, globalism — there is a large segment whose measured response has been self-expression through shopping and partying. They’re constructing their own fantasy world, a bubble to seal themselves off from the trauma of our times.”
For help to truly be helpful, the recipients must be ready for it — and as helpers we need to assess that readiness accurately. It’s easy to misread potential openness for an actual invitation.
We can offer help and it’s received with gratitude. But we may not know when to stop. The desire to help takes over, and we pass the point of diminishing returns and keep right on going. As helpers we need to be keenly attuned to recipients’ ability to make effective use of our help and to stop helping when it’s no longer helpful.
As helpers we may think we know what’s needed, but even—and perhaps especially—when we’re viewed as experts we need to access our ignorance and be open to the possibility that we may be wrong.
Often times people make their determinations about us based on one incident. One! It’s less about “first impressions being lasting impressions” than it is about the most extreme incident carrying a heavier weight than dozens of other less extreme incidents. And how often does that one EXTREME incident truly reflect our nature? My money’s on: rarely (unless you commit some heinous act, duh).
People like you when you’re at your best. People like you when your behavior makes sense to them.
I’m not trying to pass the blame here, and I’m definitely not denying that at times I am completely stupid and totally mean. I’m just saying I see a pattern emerging. It’s easy to be a fair-weather friend. It’s easy to hang and laugh and bake cupcakes and paint your toenails when things are easy and all is well. But few and far between are the people who won’t judge based on the behavior of the people around you, or who won’t turn their backs on you after a breakup, or who won’t turn their nose up because you’re having a particularly “drunk” month or two. A phase if you will. We all have our drunk months, our SSRI months, all-nighter months, our “oops the condom broke” months. We all say things we regret. We all do things that, on the surface, might seem crazy but when you just take the time to ask, make perfect sense.
I wish that instead of judging one another’s real lives based on an EXTREME incident, or on our less-than-strong behavior when we’re at our worst, that we instead focus on what we can give and take from one another when we’re at our best. No one wants to be disregarded based on circumstantial evidence alone… But there are two sides to every story and when one fails to recognize that, it really, really hurts.
What the Psychology of Suicide Prevention Teaches Us About Controlling Our Everyday Worries
"Set aside a time for worrying. Your worries relate to real and practical problems in your life, so you cannot rid yourself of them altogether, but you can learn to control when you think about them. Fyodor Dostoyevsky famously commanded his brother not to think of a white bear, and we know from the experiment on thought suppression which followed that, given that instruction, you can think of nothing but a white bear. … Likewise, telling people not to think of their worries isn’t going to work. Instead Kerkhof recommends the opposite. Set aside 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening to do nothing but worry about the future. Sit at a table, make a list of all your problems and then think about them. But as soon as the time is up you must stop worrying, and whenever those worries come back into your head remind yourself that you can’t contemplate them again until your next worry time. You have given yourself permission to postpone your worrying until the time of your choice. Remarkably, it can work. It puts you in control."
“When I think about kids watching a TV show like American Idol or The Voice, then they think, ‘Oh, okay, that’s how you become a musician, you stand in line for eight f*cking hours with 800 people at a convention center and then you sing your heart out for someone and then they tell you it’s not f*cking good enough… I swear to God, if my daughter walked up onstage and sang her heart out and some f*cking billionaire looked at her and said, ‘No, I’m sorry you’re not any good,’ I’d f*cking throttle that person, I swear to God. Who the f*ck are you to say what’s good or bad?”
— Dave Grohl